well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
