And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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