they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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