So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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