How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
