There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
