Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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