I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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