Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
