we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
