You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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