My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
