a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
