I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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