wrigley field is MILF paradise
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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