i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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