you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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