I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
