you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
