they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
