So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
