Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
