Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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