one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
