Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
