i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
