think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
