I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
