gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize