my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He better not be in your backpack
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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