I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
