You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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