Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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