So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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