somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
