I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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