I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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