Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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