i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
