Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
