remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sex in a hospital.. check
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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