My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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