Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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