shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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