I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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