did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
