Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
