if i can run in heels then i can drive
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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