he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
