Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
