How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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