cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
