I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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