dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize