I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
