Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize