Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
