but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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