She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
