Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
