I wannas sexs uuuuu
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
