She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
