I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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