Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
