All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
