it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
