im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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