i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
