Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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