my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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