she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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