TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
