Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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