no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
