Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
