we're blogging at a bar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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