I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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