This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize