C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
