Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
