yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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