i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
