if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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