Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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