Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
