Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
