mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
