She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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