he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
