The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize