I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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