u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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